


Further

by rachelisconfused



Category: Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Comfort, F/M, Married Couple, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, oddly stylistic, still don't know if i love or hate the style or it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-05-29 19:54:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6391042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rachelisconfused/pseuds/rachelisconfused
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny loved her.<br/>But he hated how far away he felt from her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Further

Danny loved her smile. He loved the way it glistened in the light. He loved the way she was always flashing it around, even when she was trying to hide her true feelings behind it. He loved the fact that he could open his eyes each and every morning and be met with her glimmering grin and know that it would always be there for him. He loved remembering the look of her smile on their very first date and the same smile when he moved her wedding veil out of place to kiss Mrs. Avidan for the first time.

Danny loved her laughter. He loved that she was continuously his biggest fan and supporter when it came to his career. He loved that she was always there to listen to the lyrics when he finished writing them and laughed at all the right places. He loved that she still laughed when watching Game Grumps episodes, even when she was nearby when they recorded them. He loved the fact that she would often get so caught up in trying to tell a joke that she would often fall into a fit of giggles and not be able to properly deliver the punchline.

Danny loved her quirks. He loved all of her stupid little things that she shared with him. He loved how she would always look up at the sky and point out the stars she found prettiest. He loved how she stuck her tongue out when she was concentrating. He loved how she drinks specific drinks out of specific cups. He loved how she always brings a notebook to doodle in and then gifts the pictures to him. He loved how she would twist her wedding ring around her finger when she was nervous or worried. He loved that she always carried extra gum with her in case someone ever asked for a piece.

Danny loved _her_. He loved how she always danced in the shower. He loved how she would pull him close and just hug him for a few moments before continuing whatever she was previously doing. He loved how the sluggish look she gave him when he woke her up from a nap. He loved how she sang while she cooked dinner in the evenings. He loved how she would burn bright red when he embarrassed her. He loved how she wrapped herself up in blankets and would pretend to be a superhero.

Danny loved how she loved him.

But Danny hated it when she cried. He hated seeing her upset. He hated when she felt hopeless. He hated that he couldn’t do a _goddamn_ thing when she cried. He hated how she smiled even though she was hurting. He hated how she always said “don’t worry about it” when it was clearly a thing he should be worried about.

Danny hated how she suffered silently. He hated how she would never reveal what the true problem was. He hated how she stopped talking for hours on end, only to come back and act as though nothing happened. He hated how he couldn’t read her mind and find out just what sort of twisted thoughts were racing through it. He hated how she would get trapped inside of whirlpools of thoughts. He hated how she lost herself in them. He hated how he knew exactly what it felt like because he spent so long doing the exact same thing. He hated that he couldn’t fight her dark thoughts for her.

Danny hated how she looked when he burst through the bathroom door that one August night. He hated how pitiful she looked, sitting on the ground. He hated how her knuckles were stained red from her own blood due to the impact of her punch to the mirror. He hated how she held the scissors in her hand. He hated how the hair he once loved to play with was now scattered around the bathroom. He hated how her skin was burning red and rubbed raw. He hated looking at the almost monstrous scratch marks running up and down her body and knowing that she did it to herself in a fit of rage.

But what Danny hated most of all was how he felt like he was lying to her. He hated the feeling in the pit of his stomach. He hated the lump in his throat that formed when he spoke. He hated how the words felt foreign to him. He hated that he felt like he was trying to console himself more than he was her. He hated how he felt like he was no longer with the girl he loved and the one he married, but rather with another version of her. He hated that he didn’t like this version of her, even though he vowed to love her forever.  
Danny hated that, as he held her in his arms, he never felt further away from her.

**Author's Note:**

> heavily inspired by tom rosenthal's "its okay" and a really nice shower i had tonight.  
> many thanks for riley for dealing with my stupid questions when it came to writing this today.


End file.
